Living on the border is always a vulnerable position. The chances of getting in the zone of insanity are not unrealistic. Being optimistic is a safe posture. So-called pessimism is never a true place on the other side of the fence. Just the points of hope are placed on a different plain. Unless one becomes absolutely neutral, the border position is a difficult situation.
One feels the burden of future……. Past can not disturb… but it is like taking a long walk on an unknown path even when one has reached the end of one’s journey.
The last choice has to be with me… may be a choice of no choice. Why not to exercise the last choice before the inevitable renders one helpless?
And one can not elude from the past even………. undoing will surely take much pain, effort, which again is a new beginning.
I never felt so close to loosing control….. because I never realized before I wasn’t the one in control or there was really anything to control.
The desires, the life source…. They spring from within, nothing from outside.. yet they are involuntary. Controlling them without an alluring force like keeping a thriving frame of mind …. And all this when all philosophies have fallen of quietly like dead leaves.